Probably Not, But Maybe Still...

We are in baby-making limbo. We aren't trying, but we aren't preventing. To be trying is to have made a firm decision, which is something my husband isn't good at for life's bigger issues. He didn't agree to make a baby the first time. A doctor in a lab coat tinkered with my "parts", then told us to go home and have sex three times a week. We weren't actually at the doctor's office to get pregnant per se, but we wanted it to be possible to do when we decided to start trying. Nonetheless, we followed the doctor's orders, and three weeks later, we were expecting. Anyhow, since we needed a bit of assistance getting pregnant last time, I don't expect to get pregnant by simply not preventing. Infrequent ovulation was the actual problem but my body has changed a bit since I carried Pumpkin, so there is always the possibility that we will be able to do it on our own. It is that possibility that messes with my head throughout each day. Last week, while I was having a sugar craving, my thoughts led me to wanting a Vachon Passion Flakie. The sugar craving is not interesting for me, but the Flakie is. I only ate those when I was pregnant. I tried one after Pumpkin was born, but didn't really enjoy it like I did when I was "eating for two". Incidentally, if I ever do get pregnant again, I will refrain from buying Flakies by the box. They are 270 calories each, and eating four in one sitting is probably not advisable, no matter how many people I might be eating for. Anyhow, when I had the craving, I had to ask myself if this was a pregnancy-thing, or just a regular sugar-thing? Now, throughout the day I try to imagine myself eating a Flakie, just to see if I really want one. If I do, does that mean I'm pregnant? Then I move on to other signs. Are my breasts sensitive? They were last time. (Give myself a squeeze) Hmmm, is that regular sensitivity or pregnancy sensitivity. Now they hurt. Is that because I'm pregnant or because I just mutilated myself? I DO feel nauseous! Is that because I'm pregnant or is it because I ate cold mac & cheese for dinner last night? I have cramp! I had those at the beginning of my last pregnancy! Am I pregnant or do I just have gas? Could I have gas because I'm pregnant? I don't remember! Is this headache/backache because I'm pregnant or does it have to do with daily activities with a toddler? Am I horny because I'm pregnant or is it just because my husbands bad back has kept us from having fun all week? Do I have an aversion to lunch right now because I'm pregnant or is it that my food options are not so good? It goes on and on. Fortunately for my husband, this is all internal dialogue. I have no clue what my point is, except that this unprotected-sex-thing is messing with my head.