Open Mouth, Insert Foot.

A couple of weeks ago at Pumpkin's gymnastics class, I was chatting with one of the fathers, who had just gotten back from a six week acting job out west. In an attempt to make polite conversation, I asked him what he did when he wasn't acting.

"I just try to get more acting jobs."

Then I felt like an idiot. I wondered if my question sounded like an insult to him, as he was obviously a serious actor, who was successful enough to make a career out of it without having to wait tables to make ends meet. He didn't seem insulted though.

"Actually", he continued, I had a really good five year run on Air Farce.

Now I was impressed! "Oh cool! I used to watch that every Friday night with my inlaws!" Then I started racking my brain for a skit that I remembered him from, and drew a blank. He DID look familiar to me, but not familiar enough for my brain to make any useful connections. Now I felt like an even bigger idiot as I just admitted that I watched it every week, yet I had not recognized him.

"I was usually dressed up as Steven Harper or someone, so I wouldn't expect you to immediately recognize me."

He was being super duper nice, but I still felt like a dumbass.

That night after all things Air Farce had been purged from my consciousness, and I was going about the usual routine of mundane evening tasks, it popped into my head! 'I remember him now!' Thanks to the internet I was able to find this particular skit and verify that it was indeed the man I was speaking with at gymnastics. I'm not sure if he'll be too flattered that I remembered it though...

Check it out here, and be sure that the sound is on.

I Don't Recall Any Wars Fought Under the Sea

A friend of mine has her 4yo daughter attending Hebrew school, once a month. This is something that has me anxious, as I know that I will need to enroll Pumpkin in Hebrew school too, but there are a couple of things holding me back: My own discomfort, and Pumpkin's ability to handle the information.

My discomfort stems from my own lack of Jewish education. I never attended Hebrew school, I never practiced any Jewish traditions, and I'm not very spiritual, regardless of which religion we are talking about. I was raised with the knowledge that I was Jewish, but also with the knowledge that Santa would bring me presents after I finish eating my potato latkes. That pretty much wraps it up for my religion. So what am I to do with Pumpkin now that I've married into a Jewish family who actually practices?

Well, she ain't gonna get any answers around here, that's for sure. I just don't know if she NEEDS any answers right now. She certainly isn't asking any questions. I also fear that she wouldn't pay any attention if I actually did send her to Hebrew school. She's so young, and doesn't show signs of learning the curriculum in her JK class. I've basically been thinking that it's too early for any sort of religious schooling.

This month in Pumpkin's preschool, they are doing the politically correct thing and teaching the kids about Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. They started with Hanukkah, which means that Pumpkin heard stories about Jewish people and Hanukkah celebrations. Pumpkin heard the same stories last year at the same preschool, but didn't really process them. I guess she took in a word or two this year.

The other night in the bath, Pumpkin was playing with her mermaid toys, and stated, "I don't think that Ariel likes Jewish people."

"Wha..wha..what??? That's not a very nice thing to say! Why would you say that?" I stammered, obviously unprepared.

"Well, she doesn't like people who have legs...", and continued on with her nonsensical dialogue as per usual.

I let it drop, because I know she was just trying out a sentence with the term, 'Jewish people' in it, as she had it fresh in her mind from preschool that day. It might have caused me to change my mind on the issue of Hebrew school. Obviously a few concepts from school have sunken in, and like I said above, there isn't much of a Jewish education to be found within our own home. She probably should be exposed to more dialogue about Jewish people, and stories that don't involve anti-Semitic mermaids, I think.

Nightmare Invoking Image Alert

Can you believe it??? I'm still here! Living up to my word. I actually had a post saved for today, but it got bumped until tomorrow because of something Pumpkin said. Then I almost got killed by a venomous spider, so everything has been bumped again. Ok, I may be exaggerating about almost being killed, and possibly about the spider being venomous, but it was ugly, and definitely not invited to the party.

I bought grapes today, which usually take me a day or two to get around to washing, but I was feeling ambitious. Instead of stuffing them in the fridge for a day or two, I ran them under faucet, then plunked them in a bowl of water, leaving them to soak. Does soaking actually do anything in terms of removing pesticides? I'm not even sure. I just do it in case it does. I'll tell you one thing that soaking does though. It forces the spiders to rise to the top. And not just little, white, innocuous spiders either. Black and red HAIRY spiders. Ok, there was just one, but it looked like this:

Ok, it was only the size of a man's thumbnail, but still! Look at it! It was in my foooooood!!!! I trapped it in a container so I could identify it on the Internet, then set it free outside when I found it to be 'mostly' harmless.

So what was I then to do about the grapes. I'm sure I've eaten tons of produce that insects have crawled across at some point in time, but this was close to home. Then I took a closer look at the bunch. A NEST!!!!!!! I am squirming as I type this. Grapes be gone! I'm switching to fruits with removable peels for the next little while.

Predictable 30th Post

So I suppose you're all here for the grand finale. 30 days in a row of posts, and now I should be dancing on the hill tops to celebrate that I don't have to post tomorrow. That's certainly how I felt last time I did this namoblome thing. This time, not so much. I kind of enjoyed the challenge. Once I gave up trying to come up with something meaningful, intellectual, deep, or thoughtful, the task opened right up for me! A funny a day, or sometimes a not-so-funny a day. "So where will you go from here?", you ask. Fear not! I could never leave the three of you!

How 'bout we make a deal? Four posts per week, week-ends off, and four weeks of paid vacation. In exchange, you really need to step up the commenting. Maybe even give me a clue who you are in the event of anonymous comments? I need love, y'all!

So why are you all still looking at me. It's late! Buzz off! Go home!

This Feature is Currently Unavailable

It's a good thing that I posted before I went out to dinner last night. We got home at 11, and there was no way I could have strung any words together at that hour on such a full stomach. We had Mediterranean food for lunch, and Indian food for dinner, and it is possible that we combined nations that just don't get along. Needless to say, romance was not to be had. Can't say that either of us found the option too appealing. Today isn't looking good either based on the groaning I'm hearing from the other room. Aren't you glad you asked? I guess you didn't ask. Sorry. Moving right along, today I discovered that my immersion in technology may have irreparably damaged the part of my brain that is supposed to be reserved for the 'real' world.

This morning I took Pumpkin to gymnastics, where the parents always sit in a room upstairs, looking down at the gym where the kids are. We always watch our kids, but we also tend to be distracted by our own, grown-up conversation. Ahhhhh, grown-up conversation........what was I saying? Distraction. Right. During such a distraction, I missed one of Pumpkin's turns on the balance beam. That always makes me feel bad, and really, I should have been paying better attention, but in all honesty, my immediate response was to grab the remote and rewind. I actually felt a moment of frustration when I couldn't do it.

If that wasn't bad enough, I made another similar error while I was talking to another mother. She was griping about how her work Christmas party falls on the same night as another event that is important to her. I actually started saying out loud, "Can't you just record one of them?" I only got as far as "Can't you...", but the fact that I got that far means that I badly need to be spending more time out of doors.

Such Compassion!

We're on our way out for a late evening dinner since we never had a chance to celebrate our anniversary on the actual date, so I'd better scrounge for your laughs now, 15 minutes before leaving, just in case I can convince Hubby to express his, uh, love upon our late return. Probably a tough sell on the full stomachs we'll be on, but ya never know...

Last night, Pumpkin slept at my mom's place, although she might be on the brink of not being invited back. My mom isn't a very good sleeper, so when Pumpkin got up to pee at 1:30 am, she woke up my mom and got mom's puppy all riled up, which pretty much ended my mom's entire night of sleep. Back here at the ranch, Chichi slept until 9am, but I digress.

This morning, my mom was watering her plants while Pumpkin watched. There is one hanging plant that has to be reached by standing on the couch, which is usually no problem. Today, however, my mom lost her footing, fell off, banged her head on the wall, landed on a granite floor, and spilled the pitcher of water all over herself. Do you know what Pumpkin did upon watching this horrific event? She laughed, pointed into her mouth, and said, "I'm hungry." I've heard of pets showing more concern! I've heard of two year olds dialing 911.

I dunno how this is my child.

BTW, ma is cranky, but ok.

Nothing Motivates Like Guilt.

When Pumpkin started JK, and it was arranged that she would be in school on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other Friday, I declared that the non-school Fridays would officially be known as 'culture days'. The plan was to do something different and educational within this fine city of Toronto. Well I finally got around to doing the first round of that today, and only three months into the school year. I'm so proud of me. Anyhow, after deciding that I didn't want to dunk myself in a public swimming pool on this cool day, I took Pumpkin to the Ontario Science Centre instead.

There is a fairly new section called, KidSpark, which seemed to have enough hands-on equipment to fill our visit. The area that seemed to have the most draw for Pumpkin was a pint sized supermarket, where the kids could shop for pretend foods, or be the cashier, or work the meat counter, or whatever. Kids were swarming the shelves, loading up carts and baskets with empty, no name products, then heading to the cashier to empty their order. I noticed a sign on the wall, asking for everyone to return the products back to the shelves when they were finished. The only people doing this were a few mock stock boys, who weren't really doing a thorough job.

There was an easily identifiable spot for each item, so I decided to pass time by restocking the shelves, even though the kids were undoing my efforts as I went along. Kind of like how things are when I clean up at home. I have to say that I became a wee bit obsessive compulsive about it. IT HAD TO BE PERFECT! The carrot couldn't go in the cucumber bin, and the canned carrots could not be in the canned beans spot. I was pivoting around in circles, picking stuff off the floor, off the check-out counter, off the meat counter, re-filing everything as fast as I could. Then something funny happened.

Other parents started paying attention to what I was doing. I'm guessing that a wave of guilt swept over them, and they joined in on the action. Moms were re-sorting the vegetables, dads were gathering stuff off the floor, and kids were being instructed to help. I started a cleaning revolution! I probably ruined all the fun, but boy did I get everyone moving! They hired me on the spot.