She's More Likely To Recognize a Dry Cleaning Bag

Today was Chichi's first day of pre-school.

This is no biggie for me as I am not one of those moms who cry whenever they feel that their kids are growing up too fast, but I did decide to stay for the full three hours given that it was her first day and I wasn't sure how she'd handle it. Really, I don't have attachment issues. Really.

Overall, she did quite well! The only time there was any sort of issue was when she picked up a toy iron and started banging it on a table. The teacher tried to show her how to rub it on the toy ironing board, but Chichi went back to banging it. The teacher looked at me for consent to take it away from her, which I granted.

In Chichi's defense though, she really has no possible way of knowing what an iron or an ironing board actually are. I take full credit.

I'm Gonna Change My Name to 'Buzz Off!' or 'Shut Up!'

Remember yesterday when I mentioned that Chichi was upset with our dog, Taz, for stealing her croissant? Well something good came out of that!

As also mentioned previously, Chichi's speech is delayed. With therapy, words are starting to come, although a little slow for my liking.

However, today, while Chichi was walking around with the last frickin' croissant that I will never buy again, new words came out!

She wandered out into the foyer, where Taz predictably followed. Chichi didn't run, and Chichi didn't cry. What Chichi did do is demonstrate to her speech therapist that she actually can learn with enough repetition.

The few words and phrases in Chichi's vocabulary now include, "GET DOWN!!!!!!"

Taz actually obeyed!

With repetition being key, you should know that shouting actual obscenities at our dogs will undoubtedly precede the word, 'Mama'.

I've Never Liked French Food!

Do you want to know why Chichi freaked out this morning? Because I offered her oatmeal instead of one of those crappy, pre-packaged, grocery store mini croissants.

Do you want to know why she freaked out a short while later? Because even though I gave her a crappy croissant as a reward for eating her oatmeal, she wanted another one.

Do you want to know why she freaked out ten minutes after that? Because after three of those shitty croissants, I decided that enough was enough.

Do you want to know why she now cries in the presence of our dog, Taz? Because he snatched a crappy croissant out of her hand.

Do you want to know what I'm never going to buy again?

My Compassion Wanes with the Patient's Age

In light of Chichi's illness that started yesterday, my mom took Pumpkin out for the day such that they both had a chance at staying healthy, and that I could be at Chichi's beck and call. This made for a pretty boring day considering that Chichi neither 'becked', nor called!

As it turns out, Chichi is exactly like her father when she isn't feeling well. Whenever J gets a cold or flu, he comes home and heads straight to bed. Then he stays there for 18 hours or so, turning the bed into his own personal sweat lodge, ignoring his family, and snapping at me for trying to care for him . Nice, eh? Do you think that I get to do that when I'm sick?

Chichi went to bed at 6pm yesterday. At 6am today, she needed medicine, and then she flopped back down in her bed. At 9am, I brought her water. She drank it, then flopped back down in her bed. At noon I brought her crackers. She ate them, then flopped back down in her bed. At 2pm I check in on her. She refused to get out of bed. She was in that bed for almost 24 hours straight! She got up for two whole hours of play this evening, but then she wanted to go back to bed.

So, like father like daughter. Both feel the need to drop out of family life when they aren't feeling well. The only difference is that when Chichi decides to do this, I find myself impressed with her instinct. Whenever J does this, I feel compelled to throw lit matches at his head.

Inaugural Moment in Parenting

Chichi threw up in my car. A first for me. I even managed to catch her in the act as I glanced in the rear view mirror at just the right time. And then the smell...

I have now learned not to continually try different foods on a child who doesn't seem keen on eating in the first place. If the Cheerios are a no-go, don't push milk and raisins.

So I was forced into doing laundry during peak energy hours today, but I'm trying to look at the bright side nonetheless. For one, everything that got messed up was something that I could remove from the car and hose off on the driveway. I'm also happy that it isn't too cold to actually hose things off in the driveway. The big plus is that she didn't throw up in the house that we were visiting just 15 minutes prior. That would have been a tad embarrassing.

I've been extra fortunate in this particular realm of parenting. Pumpkin didn't throw up for the first time until she was four, and even then it was just once. Today was Chichi's first time. She seems ok but no doubt I'll be checking on her 20 times tonight.

So is it a virus? Are we all going to lose another 'Norwalk Five'? Or did Chichi just ingest the wrong type of dog food. Stay tuned!

Natural Born Carnivore

When children come into this world, we tend to bombard them with cute, fuzzy stuffed animals that make sounds; battery powered, toy barns; and various musical renditions of Old McDonald's Farm. Consequently, my children are excellent at making animal sounds. Yup, there I go, bragging again!

Chichi is following in her big sister's footsteps at being able to make the real sound, and not just a humanized quack or cluck. Chichi's speech is somewhat delayed, so she generally makes the sound instead of naming the actual animal itself. I have to take some credit for this skill as I can be observed holding a plastic chicken or monkey while making a sound like, 'BAWK BAWK BAWK' or 'OOOH OOH EEEEE AAAAH OOOH' at various points during my day.

As you might imagine, I am none too keen at educating my kids about the origin of the meats that they eat, lest they be mortified at the notion of chewing up relatives of Nemo or Big Bird. I nonchalantly refer to dinner as fish or chicken, but these are not the times where I bust out my barnyard impersonations. Pumpkin has never made the connection in her five years, and I've assumed that Chichi hasn't been thinking of such things.

You can then imagine my shock yesterday when I presented Chichi with her chicken nuggets, and she didn't just eat them as per usual. She looked at me with this, uh, look. It was a look I had never seen her give me. One of curiosity, perplexity, and concern. Then she pointed at the food on her tray and said, "BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK!"

How the hell did she know??? Even more disturbing was that she ate it all up anyways.

Making Friends Wherever I Go

Last winter when I spent my Saturdays bribing Pumpkin into enduring her ski lessons, I was not one of the more popular parents. The post-lesson vending machine jelly beans were only the tip of the iceberg after promises of McNuggets and shiny crap from Claire's. I received many a raised eyebrow in the ski lodge change room as other kids started clamoring for their share of the goods. My popularity continued this week at the doctor's office with Chichi.

Chichi is not a big fan of the place where she has received several needles, and it seems that she is never going to forget this. She bursts into tears at the mere smell of the waiting room. That's where my iPhone comes in handy.

Chichi is quite proficient at operating the apps that I have downloaded for her, and can conceivably play for hours without taking any notice of her surroundings. It only makes sense to let her play with it to calm her nerves when we visit the doctor. At least it makes sense to me.

The person who could not see the logic in the Chichi-iPhone arrangement was a thirteen year old patient who was also waiting to see the doctor.

"MOM! Even that BABY has an iPhone! I'm the last person on earth who doesn't have one!"

I was talking to the doctor at this point, so my mom calmly explained to the girl and her mother that it was in fact the baby's mother's phone.

"WELL I DON'T CARE! That BABY can still operate the thing better than I can because I never get to use one!!!"

To the mother of that teenage girl; "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

I Rule!

Yesterday as I was heading out the door with Chichi to her usual Wednesday program, I ran into the hot guy who installed our irrigation system last year. When I say hot, I mean hot, and not just someone who is 'not bad' under the conditions of spending all of my time with children, longing for the company of grown ups. Since I was heading out, I was going to miss out on my opportunity to observe him at work, which was the first of my series of unfortunate events.

Just before I jumped in the car, I realized that I hadn't yet turned on the water supply to the irrigation system this year, which meant that I had to run back into the house with Chichi, which ignited a tantrum that set the mood for her entire day.

Next, I zipped down the stairs to the basement, where I quickly opened the valve to the irrigation system, stood there for a minute to make sure it worked, and then ran back up to gather Chichi, and took off, leaving hot irrigation man to tend to his business, with no one there to offer him a glass of lemonade. Sigh.

Upon returning, I heard the vacuum running, which meant, praise the universe, that it was cleaning lady day. Sadly, the vacuum obscured another sound that would have been a good thing to actually hear. That being said, I made no notice of the sound even after the vacuum had been shut off. The cleaning lady had heard the non-vacuum, mystery sound, and attributed it to the furnace, since it was coming from that direction. Due to my hearing impairment, I am prone to tuning out such background sounds, figuring that it was a neighbour's lawnmower that my hearing aids couldn't seem to tune out.

It wasn't until the cleaning lady pointed out some weirdness going on with the water pressure that I finally made the connection to the rumbling sound that had been playing in the background of the house for several hours. I ran down to the utility room to check out the valve that I had opened for hot guy earlier that day. Somehow, in my hurry to stop Chichi's previous tantrum, I missed that the bleeder valve for the irrigation system had been open. Water had been spritzing into the utility room for about 4 hours, which was evident by the ankle deep wading pool that I had created. Pity the drain in the floor had been plugged up with lint.

So today I spent a couple of hours ripping out saturated carpet and under pad, and convinced myself that I was being productive.

Mysterious Second Language?

Chichi isn't speaking yet, at least not in English. The doctor doesn't think that this is anything to worry about, so I'm not worrying, but I do take great rejoice whenever I hear her speech attempts resemble an appropriate word. Mostly she babbles though.

Yesterday, as my mom was doling out some crackers to the kids, Chichi said a word! My mom exclaimed, "Chichi just said, "more"!"

Pumpkin added, "And she said "please" in Chinese!"

Apparently Chichi is more sophisticated that I thought. Pumpkin too for that matter.

Not a Good Sign

This morning Chichi and I went to her usual Thursday morning gym class. One of the activities in this class involves lining all the children up at the 'air log', where they proceed to bang on it with maracas in tune to music. This air log is a giant, colourful, inflated tube, about 10 children long, and about 2-1/2' in diameter.

The children who have been in this class before are quite familiar with the routine, and obediently line up to receive their maracas, and then line up along the air log where they wait for the stragglers. While I was leaning over, helping Chichi, who was waiting to receive her maracas, there was a little boy behind me who had already received his.

The little bugger started banging on my ass with them!

Carjacking on the Playground

Every Wednesday I take Chichi to a play group where a portion of the class takes place in a gym where the kids play with various toys, balls, and ride-on cars. Chichi always climbs into one of the plastic cars and spend her time opening and closing the doors. This seems odd, but it amuses her, and allows me to spend time in the kitchen with the other mothers who are doing their best to avoid their own kids in favour of a sip or two of coffee.

Today, Chichi was sitting in one of the plastic cars doing her usual: Door opens... door closes. Door opens... door closes. I must have looked away for a minute because the next time I glanced over at her, she was not alone in the car. A little boy with the sweetest smile on his face had pushed his way into the car with Chichi, and was trying to crowd her out. I was watching this scene with the other mothers, who encouraged me to let things play out unless there were any tears.

Now Chichi's general facial expression is that of bewilderment. Her wide-open, grey/blue eyes seem to take up half of her face, and her mouth often rests agape, as if she is completely shocked. In the context of this carjacking, it was both appropriate, and really funny.

The next thing Chichi knew, she was squeezed out the door on the other side of the car, and was left standing there, still looking bewildered, watching this little boy drive off with her car as she helplessly looked on. The entire kitchen full of moms agreed that this scene was hilariously sad.

Then Chichi happily ran over to some other toy without skipping a beat.

Why I'm Such a Catch

Chichi is one of those toddlers who has to grab everything. She relentlessly rummages through every drawer, closet, and pile of things that she can get her hands on, in a manner that can only be described as perpetual, chaotic, circuit training. Nothing within her reach is safe.

We have a console table that has been declared a no go zone for keys, mail, etc. since the table is no longer high enough to keep Chichi at bay. This morning I noted that hubby's Blackberry was on this table. He knows that this is a bad idea, but he does it anyways, probably out of carelessness or laziness, or whatever. I decided not to mention it to him because I always seem to be 'nagging' him about this, and it has no effect on him. I also decided not to move it because I always seem to be picking up after him this way.

Not only am I a great wife for not nagging, and for giving him the opportunity to find his toy right where he left it, but I also did not utter one single, "serves you right", when he reported to me that it no longer works after finding Chichi chewing and drooling on it this morning.

Not Quite Eddie Haskell, But Still...

Seeing as there is no school this week, I had to tote Pumpkin along to Chichi's music class today. I wasn't overly thrilled about this arrangement because Pumpkin can be rambunctious when trying to show off, which is how I imagined she would be in competition with all the babies and toddlers in this class. I have now learned that Pumpkin shows off differently for the general public than she does for me at home.

As we walked in, Pumpkin was on her best behaviour. When we joined the group, she put on her sparkliest, sweetest smile, and sat quietly while reveling in the attention and compliments from the other mothers. She did not try to outshine the cute babies as they bopped to the music, but instead, tended to her little sister, showing everyone how caring she could be. Oh how the other parents just soaked this up!

Throughout the class, others were constantly mouthing the words, "So sweet!" to us, as Pumpkin stroked Chichi's hair during Twinkle Twinkle, or as Pumpkin helped Chichi Row Row Row her boat. Pumpkin responded by tilting her head sideways for the benefit of admiring onlookers, flashing them the cutest smile that she could muster up. It seemed to work quite well for her. No one noticed me rolling my eyes at all!

We now return to our regular program of not sharing toys, and one-sided shouting matches.

Saturday's Mom is Full of Rant

Cost of replacing electronic key for leased car six months ago:

$175.00

Cost of finding lost key in my ski jacket half an hour ago:

Five self-imposed smacks on the counter top with my forehead

Cost of just discovering that neither Chichi's nor Pumpkin's stomachs are entirely settled from our ongoing plague:

Two more loads of laundry

Cost of disclosing information about my children's lingering illnesses to tonight's babysitter:

Babysitter running for the hills; me having to give up my ticket to tonight's Leaf's game; hubby being instructed to take one of his friends

Cost of being married to a man who didn't try too hard to find someone to go with, and then decided on his own to give away both tickets so he could spend the evening with his icky kids and pissy wife...

I Had a Good Excuse...

Chichi has been a little under the weather this week, mostly in a good mood, but turning out some pretty gross diapers. Yesterday as hubby walked in the door, I jumped up, told him that I seemed to have Chichi's disease, and ran for the washroom in the basement. Welcome home, honey! It all went downhill from there.

I had taken to the guest room to stay out of the way, and Chichi was ready for bed, so all that hubby had to do was contend with Pumpkin. Except things didn't go that way. First off, Chichi's soother was missing, so she was freaking out in her crib. Hubby, in a mild panic, told me that he couldn't find her 'owie'. Owie is the word used by my friend's son for his blanket, and is not a word typically used around here. Our blankets are 'giki's', and our soothers are soothers. Regardless, I was looking for the wrong thing while intermittently running to the washroom.

Meanwhile, back in Pumpkin's world, she had gone to bed complaining of a sore tummy, which culminated in her pretty much painting her bed and the walls with the contents of her stomach. She was really upset, so I set in motion the cleaning process, while also looking for a blanket that wasn't lost, while continuing to intermittently run to the nearest washroom. Both kids were crying, while we tried to get it together. Hubs called my mother to see if she knew where the owie was, but her reply was, "Leave me alone! I'm busy throwing up!" Virus confirmed.

It had finally happened to me. This was the low point in parenting that I had read about in books that was supposed to be a story reserved for fiction, or at least something that only happened to other people. I guess we had a good, long vomit-free stretch, if nothing else.

Eventually, Hubby said he was going out to buy an owie, which seemed odd, so I figured out that he meant a pacifier, which I was able to produce within ten seconds. Ok, I had one down. Then it was on to cleaning Pumpkin's mess, which proved to be a never ending battle as the night went on.

If you happen to have the storage space, I highly recommend that you purchase three or four discount beds-in-a-bag for just such an occasion. I cannot believe the amount of linens we have gone through over here! The washing machine has been running since about 9pm last night, and it will probably be running until bedtime tonight.

Forgive me for not having posted yesterday.

Bonding Over B.O.

Today I took Chichi to her weekly, 10am class. 10am, not pm. It's not that I would ever take a baby to anything at 10pm, but I just wanted to stress that it was only mid-morning. This is important because typically at 10am, people are fairly recently showered, and even if they forgot to wear deodorant, they should still be fresh-ish. I can accept having toddler-thrown food on one's clothes at that hour, or even eggs in one's hair, but run-of-the-mill armpit odour should really not be making an appearance until later in the day, not that I'm an expert or anything. I'm pretty sure that I smell like daisies, all the time.

The class had a few newcomers today. One of them was a woman in green, and the other was the only dad in the class. The class had a few new odours today as well. One of them came from the woman in green, and the other came from the only dad in the class. They weren't even together! It wasn't like they came from the same house where soap is considered the devil's tool and laundry a once-a-year event! I suppose that it's possible that they both hold such values, but what are the chances? There was absolutely nowhere to go within the room to avoid the smell. Both offenders were chasing their toddlers, so downwind was everywhere! I'm not just talking a slight whiff either.

This was the kind of smell that reminded me of my friend from high school who worked in a garden centre in the heat of summer, and would come straight to my house afterwards to see who was around. Sometimes he wouldn't even have a shower until the next day after work, but not before stopping by my place to see who was around. I'm talking about that second day smell! But it was only 10am on a cool day!

The class instructor approached me at one point during the class, leaned on the wall that I was leaning on, and said, "Boy do I smell a shivtz! I'm gonna have to fumigate later!" Together, we figured out who the offenders were, and then the class went on as usual.

As unpleasant as my time in olfactory Hell was, I actually felt good about my conversation with the instructor. As someone who used to always be a teacher's pet, I'm glad she chose me to confide in. I'm also glad that she knew that I wasn't the perpetrator. I hope. (Sniffs the armpits). Yup, daisies, just like I thought.

Doing as I Do, Not as I Say

I'm starting to think that one the behavior corrections that I do with Pumpkin is starting to sink in. On a daily basis I deal with keeping Pumpkin quiet enough such that she doesn't wake up Chichi, who, bless her soul, goes to bed early and wakes up late. This is a problem when Pumpkin wakes up all full of energy, but also during the bedtime routine, when a lot of activity occurs outside Chichi's door. I've had more than my share of cringe moments when Pumpkin has gone into psycho mode during a bath, causing Chichi start screaming after having already been asleep.

When I say that the lesson has sunk in, I don't mean that Pumpkin was quite either this morning or while getting ready for bed. However, when the delivery guy arrived with our dinner tonight, and the dogs started barking at the door, Pumpkin stormed out of her room and screamed, "I CAN'T SLEEP WITH ALL THIS BARKING GOING ON, AND CHICHI IS AWAKE NOW!" Then she marched back to her room, shaking her head at her moronic parents.

Keeping it Positive

The smurglies are still kicking my butt, which is preferable to what they're doing to butts over at the Urban Dictionary, so maybe I shouldn't complain.  I figure that today would be a good day for reflecting on the positive things, rather than the fact laryngitis has been added to my list of ailments.  As it turns out, angrily whispering the phrase, "Shut up or I'll beat you with a stick!", does not qualify me as a dog whisperer.  So yeah, lets look at the good stuff.


Pumpkin actually drew something that looked like something!  Visual arts don't exactly run in the family, but I was starting to imagine myself getting a call from the teacher about Pumpkin's lack of skill:


"Hello, Pumpkin's mom?  I'm concerned about Pumpkin's inability to do anything but scribble."


"Is this a real problem?" 


"Well, she is in grade 9..."


Yeah, so we've gotten over that hurdle.  Out of the blue, she started drawing people.  When I asked her who they were, she replied, "Customers!".  Ok, so we've still got a few quirks to deal with but they seem so minor now!


In other news, I decided to get Chichi the H1N1 vaccine.  I will probably do the same for Pumpkin next week when she is in better health.  Thanks to all the media madness about the mayhem at the vaccination clinics, I went well prepared with an arsenal of snacks, drinks, books, DVDs, and a sense of resignation about how bad my afternoon was going to be.  As it turned out, I was in and out of there in 30 minutes, and that included the 15 minute recovery wait. Kudos to the town of Markham!


Next, on the way home from getting the vaccine, I came up to an intersection where my light had just turned green.  For whatever reason, an elderly lady with a walker decided to cross against the red light in the other direction.  Quickly, the very handsome man in the snazzy sports car in front of me turned on his hazards, abandoned his car, and escorted the lady across the street to safety.  No one honked, no one was hurt.  It's nice to see a little display of humanity every now and again.  It didn't really matter that both the man and his car were pretty, but it does add to the whole Prince Charming effect.  Good karma to you and your family, whoever you are!


And finally, there is NeoCitran.  Good night.