I've come to the conclusion that in the realm of motherhood, I am not the deepest person that you will ever meet. I'm not an idiot or anything - actually I consider myself to be quite intelligent. It just seems that I don't analyze many things beyond their surface levels unless I absolutely force myself to. I reached this conclusion after reading the posts of many "mommy bloggers" who have been as close to the birth of a child as I am, and who have made some very emotional blog entries on the subject.
Often, a blogger in my position will do a post that is like an ode to her first born. I completely understand this. For the past three years, the days have been just me and Pumpkin spending time together, learning from each other, and learning about each other. These have been such precious years, and the fact that this twosome is coming to an end could be an emotional time. That is, if I was an emotional person. Being the recluse that I am, I haven't given a great deal of thought to the issue. I love my daughter with every fibre of my being, but I don't feel the sadness that I have read about elsewhere. I dwell more on the fact that my easy life with one child as I know it is about to change. One is manageable. One travels well. One can be passed off to Daddy, or Grandma, leaving me to do my own thing. The one we have never wakes me up in the night. The one we have is relatively easy to deal with. Overall, adding a newborn to the mix is really going to upset our equilibrium. Yeah, yeah, I know I'll get used to it. My point is that this is more on my mind than the end of the Mommy/Pumpkin era.
How about posts that are written to read as welcome letters to the unborn child? This has never occurred to me as something I'd want to do. If I were to attempt this right now, it would read something like, "Uhhh, hi baby! Sorry the place is such a mess and that you have to live with all this noise. Overall you should like it though! You will never be wanting for love or audio/video equipment!". I'll meet him or her when the time comes, and I'll figure out what to say afterwards. I don't feel any sort of connection at this point to be able to come up with something heartfelt. I'm not even all that anxious to get this baby out and start the process. As crappy as it is to be this pregnant, it's much less chaotic than what is to come. Just this morning I dug out the bucket-car seat, and did not feel a pang of anything but dread. Here we go again with all this infant stuff. Not the best mind-frame to be writing a welcome letter to anyone. Sorry baby. No pre-birth letter from mama, but I promise you that you won't be disappointed with me once you're here, at least for at little while.
How will I be able to love this second child enough when all my love is currently devoted to my first one? This is a question that I have never asked myself. I'm not scoffing at mothers who have worried about this. It seems like a legit concern. I am not willing to sacrifice any of my love for Pumpkin to give to Child #2. Apparently, I won't have to. Any time I have read a post about this, the mother has just come up with more love to give. I'll take their word for it and not worry for now. That's just me.
Finally, there have been posts about actual birthing experience. Some have expressed the importance of having a vaginal birth as opposed to a c-section. I don't want major surgery anymore than the next gal so I'll avoid the c-section if I can, but the issue seems more to do with the experience of delivering a child vaginally, and how that provides some fulfillment as a mother. Some have expressed the importance of giving birth in their home environment, which I think I might hate. Some have sworn by their mid-wives, which I have no knowledge of, but I also don't feel the need for after the delivery of Pumpkin, where I was quite satisfied with the care provided by the doctors and nurses. Personally, I only have two requests: Give me your best drugs, and get the f*ucker outta me!
Am I missing some sort of mommy-gene that should have me pondering such issues?
10 comments:
If you're missing it, so am I. I'm not one to feel all that connected to something I can't talk to yet, nor am I worried about how to love another - hearts are stretchy. And yeah, I wasn't in a hurry with the last one, either, because newborns are a lot of work. I'll admit to this, though - seeing her wee sleepers and noting that the few pink ones won't be used again did give me a pang of not being ready for no more little girls.
I think this is a great post and more realistic than a lot of the ones I read. Some people are more emotional and a bit sappy and that's great for them, and I'm really glad those people have and enjoy those feelings. Because I think they do. And why begrudge anybody *anything* they enjoy? But some are sappy to the point of sounding clueless. You? Not sounding clueless. Go you! :)
Not at all. I read others odes and love them, understand them, but don't really think of it the same way, if at all (until someone reminds me). Your two requests are completely reasonable imo ;)
Wow - is it only 22 more days?
I love the sentimental posts - they make me cry - but I couldn't write them. I wish I could, because I admire the posts and the writers. But, if you're missing the gene, then so am I. (There is a reason I chose "nomotherearth" as a moniker..)
As a side note, having had both C and V, the V is important - not for the experience of it, but because the recovery from the C sucks and you can't pick up anything heavy for weeks (i.e. your toddler who needs some lovin')
"Am I missing some sort of mommy-gene that should have me pondering such issues?"
This may sound harsh to some, but don't confuse emotional babble with "deepness". I love and admire your far more pragmatic approach.
I wonder if you may have an inferiority complex because you haven't written a welcome letter to a fetal blob. Nonsense, you will love that kid as much as anyone could love their kid and the kid will be lucky to have you.
These estrogen-driven posts to which you refer may have sentimentality to some, but for me they reek of sanctimony.
Well if you are, then I'm missing it too!
I tend to skip over those posts actually. ;)
I like those kind of posts, but I like yours too. I like to hear more realistic stuff. The real deal.
BTW I have had both the C and V and I agree with nomother, the C hurts more. But honestly I agree with you. How the kid comes out doesn't make you more or less a mom. Its how much you love the little blob :)
How refreshing! I loved this way more than the letters to the unborn, etc.
Sign of intelligence: "I don't analyze many things beyond their surface levels unless I absolutely force myself to.:
Sign of genius: "Give me your best drugs, and get the f*ucker outta me!"
You ain't missin' nothin'.
Being ill equipped to comment on this topic, and my wife not being able to have children (we adopted three), I thought I would simply leave a note to say "Hi" and thereby avoid being called a lurker.
Congratulations.
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