Saturday, August 09, 2008

I've Been Half Assing this Mother Stuff

Since the birth of the new baby, my mom and husband have taken over the majority of my Pumpkin duties. I do look after her and play with her some of the time, but not nearly as much as I used to. Also, her nightly bath has pretty much been taken out of my hands. I hate the whole bath/bed routine, which I have happliy opted out of while I've taken a few moments to myself each evening. However, I have come to realize that as much as I resent being torn away from my limited chances to watch recordings of Canadian Idol and The Two Coreys, bath/bed routines are good bonding opportunities that I've been missing out on. I also came to realize that although it had just been a few weeks, Pumpkin has grown, and I've missed it. Upon giving her the a bath for the first time since the baby came along, I noticed that she was larger. I know that after caring for a newborn, a pre-schooler can appear enormous, but she really has grown. Not only that, but her hair has gotten thicker. These are things that should stand out to someone who hasn't seen her in a while, but I shouldn't really be noticing them so easily as I am with her everyday.

A friend of mine once told me a story that I was certain was an exaggeration, so I dismissed it at the time. After he and his wife had their second child, they agreed that the wife would be primarily in charge of the baby, and he would look after the older child. After many months had passed, he was then given the task of watching the baby for whatever reason, and he realized at that time that he didn't know anything about his second child. I think I understand how he might have felt that way. Since our second child arrived, I have been in the privileged situation of having an extra pair of hands to help me. My mom has been here almost every day since the baby was born, primarily looking after Pumpkin. Many mothers of young children would kill for that kind of free help, and I know that none of you are playing violins for me, but there is a downside. As mentioned earlier, I missed a stage of growth. I don't want to miss stages. I can see myself not knowing all that I should know about Pumpkin if I allow myself the luxury of not having to ever wipe her butt or force-feed her . It is great to be able to give the new baby the kind of attention that I gave Pumpkin when she was an infant, but I need to ensure that I get some quality Pumpkin time too. I know that I have to make a better effor than I've been putting forth lately. That being said, you can continue to give her some of her baths mom. I still need my reality TV time too.

8 comments:

Mamalooper said...

Lovely post. I think it's the "butt wiping and force-feeding", the hands-on chore-like tasks that create those small moments of intimacy with our kids.

But there's only one mommy to go around it sounds like you are finding that balance between sharing the load between you and the man and your mom.

Your girls are lucky!

nomotherearth said...

The older one does look ginormous after seeing/holding a newborn, huh? It's kinda freaky.

kittenpie said...

To me, you do what you have to do to get through the newborn stage. Those first few months are HARD, mama. You'll get back on your feet again in a few months and re-connect with Pumpkin.

kgirl said...

I encountered these feelings at the beginning as well, but trust me - pretty soon you will be handling EVERYTHING again. I say, if the huz and Pumpkin are cool with this arrangement for now, enjoy. There is already lots being demading of you.

motherbumper said...

I really wish I could experience this phenomena. I'm sure the rhythm will soon set in where you will catch all the growth from both sides but for now, keep on top of The Two Corey's because Oh MY HOLY Heck they are insane.

Nora Bee said...

A thoughtful post--and what a sad feeling to have missed a few weeks of growth.

Naomi (Urban Mummy) said...

You think you have a baby until you have a baby!!

I know that my husband does the bath thing (now with both kids) and we alternate on the rest of bedtime. I don't mind, really, since it's not my favourite task!

Barrie said...

Juggling two kids, especially when one is a newborn, is tough. You're doing great. And it does get easier.